new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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