I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
