I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
