Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
