so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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