i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
