Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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