I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
