This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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