You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
