the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
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I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
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Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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