im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
