I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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