And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
