I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
