You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
