so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
