Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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