Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
