Kiss
Puke
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
