I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
