I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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