I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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