I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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