Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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