Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
