I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
