return my video game
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
