Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
