Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Don't make out with my wife yet
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
