Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
