I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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