i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize