i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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