Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
