Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
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Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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