He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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