you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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