ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
