i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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