I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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