She said her name was "party"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
