Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
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So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize