do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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