I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
