I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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