i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
