If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just invented taco cereal.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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