I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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