Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
look no pants
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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