You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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