His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
