I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
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And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize