i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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