Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This is my gift to your gina
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
