Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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