I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
