My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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