you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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