I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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