My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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