you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
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