I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
