Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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