Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There r osticjed everywhere
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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