I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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