if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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