I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
