I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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